Ep. 60: Selfish

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Show notes

This week, we dig into that awful four-letter word: SELFISH. To many, being selfish—as in, putting your needs above the needs of others—is one the worst possible ways of being, and it’s avoided at all costs. As teachers, selfishness is one of the most common themes among students in our classes, especially with women: even the idea of doing something for oneself is uncomfortable at best, and sometimes downright impossible.

So, what does it really mean to be a selfish person? What does this belief system create in our lives? Is there a balance? Let's talk.

We talked about

  • eating pizza for the first time after a marathon and not feeling guilty about it

  • Meadow having weird dreams about food and family members

  • resistance to selfishness feeling like martyrdom

  • the “selfish label” having detrimental effects on relationships, even as a kid

  • how you can’t really live an unselfish life

  • an eye-opening money coach training experience makes the light bulb go off

  • toxic guilt and being an “employee” to yours

  • the paradox of people not wanting to be seen as selfish

  • true generosity and what that looks and feels like

  • the icky feeling that sabotages healers, yoga teachers, and other aspiring spiritual business owners

  • not becoming a “steamy raisin” 

  • Laura being invited to “hang out” with old friends after years of sobriety

  • teaching others what to expect from us

  • how you’re not that big of a deal, actually

  • and more!

Quotables

“You’re always being selfish. You’re either doing it in the name of altruism, or you’re doing it in the name of actual selfishness.”

“The faulty message was, ‘You’re here to serve others and wanting anything for yourself is evil.’”

Ask yourself

  • What do you really value? 

  • What (or who) are you actually serving (with your guilt or unselfishness)?

  • If you make a decision, will it be an energetic detriment to you? Will it cost you too much?

  • You’re not too busy, you’re just choosing to do something else...so what are you choosing right now?

Resources

Enneagram Types - from The Enneagram Institute®

The Righteous Mind: Why Good People are Divided by Politics and Religion by Jonathan Haidt

“The Marie Forleo Podcast”

Digital Minimalism: Choosing a Focused Life in a Noisy World by Cal Newport

Music by Izzy DeVor.

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Spiritualish is hosted by Laura McKowen and Meadow DeVor. Sometimes spiritual, always inappropriate. New episodes drop every Thursday.

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