I know what it feels like to be broke. Worried. Scared. To feel out of control. And to feel like a fraud.
I know what it feels like to find out that the check didn't clear. Or that the $5 in my pocket needs to stretch all the way until next Tuesday. To cross my fingers, wishing that a client will come out of nowhere. Or to feel completely crushed when I didn't get the job.
I know what it feels like to be disappointed in myself. To feel burning shame. And to wish I could pretend hard enough to make the fear go away.
I know what it feels like to feel unworthy. Stupid. Confused. To think that money would fix my problems. Or make my stress go away.
And I was wrong. Money wasn't the problem.
Money couldn't fix the problem. Because the real problem was my mind. My heart. And my capacity to love.
I have found that money work is simply "love" work.
I had to learn to love myself. Like crazy, mad love. The kind of compassionate love that forgives my past. The kind of fierce love that caretakes my future. The kind of love that knows that I am truly worthy of not only making money. But keeping it too.
I had to learn to love my family. To really love them. The kind of love that refuses to spend any more of my precious energy resources on worry and fear. The kind of love that realizes that living paycheck-to-paycheck is reckless and deteriorates the fabric of connection and trust.
I had to learn to love my work. Like actually love the work itself - not to simply see it as a means to pay the bills. The kind of love that comes from a true respect for service. Grounded in a profound sense of purpose.
I had to learn to love others. To see them as whole and unbroken. To see the exchange of money between us as a gain-gain. To see money flowing to me as good for both of us. And to see money flowing to them as good for both of us, as well. To see that we are all living with the potential for unlimited abundance and that sharing money with each other is simply a celebration of the belief in the extraordinary abundance that we live with.
I had to learn to love money. And to see money as a symbol for my capacity to love.
I had to learn to love God. To see God as love. And to see money work as my spiritual practice.
Money matters because it is about so much more than just paying the bills. Or getting out of debt. Or building a portfolio. Or learning to budget. Money is a spiritual practice. It is deep and meaningful work. It changes lives. It stretches our minds. It breaks open our hearts.
I know what it feels like to have done this work. And I want this for you, too.
This work is important.