What are personal boundaries?
A personal boundary is neutral communication about your dividing line. Boundaries are not complaints, threats, or ultimatums. They aren’t mean, cruel or rude. They are your rules for who, what, how, and why you feel comfortable being closer to someone else—clear communication of what’s true for you—helping others know who you are and how to interact with you. A boundary can be a firm line in the sand, or a very subtle shift.
Why do I need boundaries? Why are they so important?
Healthy boundaries are the cornerstone to healthy relationships. When you have healthy boundaries, you experience true intimacy, clear communication, and a sense of freedom in your relationships. When you have unhealthy boundaries, you can feel stuck, helpless, overwhelmed, and resentful.
When we are clear with our boundaries, no one who meets us, works with us, or tries to emotionally connect with us, is left guessing. Healthy boundaries create the ability for you to connect authentically with those around you while protecting what’s important to you. Healthy boundaries are a critical part of creating honest relationships and connections that thrive.
15 signs you need to strengthen your boundaries:
Your relationships are difficult and/or dramatic. You have a difficult time sustaining meaningful relationships, or you may find that your relationships are full of ups and downs. You find yourself in relationships that have intense highs and/or intense lows. You often feel like you’re walking on eggshells with those that you care about.
You hate letting others down and bend over backwards to avoid it. You are a kind and compassionate person and do everything you can to help others. The idea of letting someone down is painful for you, even when it’s a matter of self-care.
Guilt and anxiety rule your day to day life. You often feel like you are doing something wrong, or like you’re going to be outcast or unloved if you’re not serving or helping those around you.
You’re often exhausted and don’t know why. You start the day feeling fine, but by the afternoon you’re often exhausted and depleted. Your to-do list is never ending and there’s always someone else who needs your attention.
You give away too much of your time and energy. You are a generous person and try your best to help those around you. This often means that you give too much away (even though you don’t mean to).
You say YES to things you don’t want to do. You find it easier to say yes and to avoid a conflict, rather than to say no and let someone down.
You really don’t want to appear selfish or unkind and do what you can to avoid it. You go out of your way to make sure that people around you feel cared for. Your self-care only happens when everyone else has been cared for.
You attract people who want to control or dominate you. You don’t know why, but you seem to have a magical knack for attracting the crazies into your life. There seems to always be someone around you who wants to control, criticize, change you, or dominate you.
You automatically think of others before checking in with your own needs. You are often blind to your own needs and hyper-focused on the people, animals, and relationships around you.
You tend to overshare easily. You tend to be over-trusting and find yourself quickly sharing personal and private information with people that you don’t know very well.
You tend to fall in love or make friends quickly. You jump into new relationships and eventually find yourself hurt by people that you trusted.
You fail to make clear plans and prefer to leave things ambiguous. You keep things open ended and don’t give a clear yes or a clear no when making plans.
You under-earn and/or over-spend your money. You find yourself having a difficult time asking to be paid what you’re worth. You tend to compulsively spend and sometimes go into debt.
You have a difficult time asking for help. You prefer to do things yourself rather than impose on others.
You think you’re responsible for other peoples feelings/thoughts/actions. You have a difficult time finding your center when those around you are unhappy.
*If you found yourself nodding yes to any of these, I highly suggest signing up for Boundaries Masterclass. Registration is open now and class starts October 16th.