You won’t see it happening at first… You’re just living your life — showing up, being decent, doing what you do. But somewhere on the edges of your world, a narcissist has already noticed you. And before you know it, they want to destroy you — your reputation, your relationship, your career.
They’re not always people close to you.
Sometimes it’s the coworker, the neighbor, the friend-of-a-friend — the ones who live in the periphery and wait for an opening.
The takedown starts with subtle clues — quiet, strategic, and easy to dismiss.
Each clue reveals how they think, what they want, and why they’ve chosen you.
I’ve spent the last twenty years studying self-worth and narcissistic relationships.
I teach people how to recognize manipulation the moment it starts.
Here are the three early signs that you’ve been targeted — what’s really going on, and how to protect yourself before it’s too late.
1. The Alpha Test
In the wild, animals test rank before they ever fight.
A wolf doesn’t just attack another wolf.
It gives a small challenge — eye contact that lasts a little too long, a shoulder bump, a low growl.
The other animal’s response decides everything: submission, avoidance, or equality.
Humans do the same thing — especially those driven by dominance and control.
They’ll throw out subtle tests to see if you’ll yield: interrupt you mid-sentence, ignore your opinion, dismiss your success, or make you the butt of a “joke.”
This is an alpha test — seeing whether you’ll submit to their dominance.
In their world, there’s only one alpha — and it’s them.
Even if you are a small part of their world, your self-possession isn’t allowed.
They create a small moment of tension and watch what you do next.
Do you become uncomfortable? Do you shy away? Do you laugh even though it hurt?
If you do, they register you as safe — someone who’ll stay in a lower position.
If you don’t — if you stay calm, self-led, or unbothered — they read it as defiance.
And that’s the moment you become the target.
You don’t have to do anything intentional to fail their test. Totally ordinary situations can set this off:
You offer an idea in a meeting that saves the company money.
You show genuine care — checking on someone or bringing a thoughtful gift — and unknowingly outshine the person who wants to be seen as most generous.
You hold your ground politely when someone corrects or dismisses you, and they take note that you didn’t back down.
Even if you’re not trying to compete — you’re just being decent, capable, or kind — to someone who needs to dominate, even your ease is a challenge.
You become the target because your presence made them feel outshined.
In every hierarchy — families, workplaces, friend groups — there’s someone who quietly believes they’re the most capable, admired, or central.
When you walk in and simply are what they pretend to be — calm, competent, genuine — it threatens that image.
You don’t have to brag, compete, or challenge them. Your authenticity does it for you.
You’re comfortable in your own skin; they rely on performance.
As Robert Greene wrote in The 48 Laws of Power,
“Never outshine the master.”
It’s a minefield — and most people don’t know they’ve stepped into it until it’s too late.
You don’t have to do anything wrong. Just being capable, calm, or naturally confident can trigger someone who depends on dominance.
Once that happens, the environment is no longer safe.
This has blindsided me more than once.
It’s usually after I’ve naively just been myself — doing something normal, something decent. It’s deeply destabilizing, because I wasn’t in a situation that seemed hostile. Most of the time, I was just being kind.
If this has happened to you, it helps to understand that sometimes what you find harmless about yourself, a narcissist finds deeply terrifying. The first line of defense is knowing that. You don’t need to change who you are — you just need to recognize that your self-possession can destabilize people who build their value on image or hierarchy.
So what do you do about it?
Now that you know what a trigger you are just by existing, pay attention to who in the room is watching. If you fit this alpha profile, as a rule of thumb, expect at least one person in every group to target you. So keep your eyes open and stay prepared.
If you’d like a copy of the tools I share, sign up below and you’ll get a new 3-minute empowerment plan every week.
2. The Undermining
If you don’t realize you’ve been targeted yet, what you’ll notice first is that people are talking behind your back — and you have no idea why.
You’re not sure who started it or who’s in charge of it.
You just know that somehow, you’re radioactive now.
This is what triangulation looks like in real life.
It happens behind the scenes — one person using others to do their work for them.
That’s where the flying monkeys come in — just like in The Wizard of Oz.
These are the people they send to do the dirty work: family members, coworkers, even your own children.
The goal is always the same — to exile you, to punish you, and to make sure no one believes you.
You’ll notice it in small ways:
rooms that go silent
conversations that shift
“helpful” messengers who warn you to behave differently
They frame it as helpful, but what they’re really doing is being your handler.
The flying monkeys are the clue.
If you pay attention to how you’re being handled, you can figure out who’s targeting you — and what behavior you’re being trained to follow. That doesn’t mean you need to comply. It just means you can see the system for what it is. And once you see it, you can protect yourself.
3. The Coup
When undermining doesn’t get rid of you, they don’t keep testing — they move to remove you.
This is where it becomes obvious you’re the target.
You’re not being managed anymore.
You’re being removed.
You start to notice that things you’ve said or done are being repeated in twisted ways.
Private conversations suddenly become public.
Little pieces of truth get pulled out of context and used to build a case against you.
People are being told different versions of what happened — each one designed to make it look like you’re the problem.
You feel the shift before you can explain it.
Invitations stop.
People go quiet when you walk in.
They stop making eye contact.
They don’t ask you what happened — they just act like they already know.
That silence, that social freezing out — that is the coup.
That’s the moment the group has quietly decided you’re out.
So why do they do this?
Because if they take out the person who won’t fall in line, the group goes back to orbiting them.
And if this has happened to you, I am so sorry. It is terribly painful to go through this. Being cut out like this feels shattering — because it is. You’re not just left out — you’re socially erased. People you trusted pull away. Reality gets rewritten without you in it. That level of rejection hits survival-level wiring. Feeling shocked, sick, or disoriented isn’t overreacting — it’s a normal response to social exile.
But remember:
You didn’t become a target because you were weak or naïve. You became a target because you were steady, self-led, and not easily controlled.
And going forward, you need to know: the more unmanipulatable you become, the more of a threat you’ll be to predators.
Once you can see it — the testing, the undermining, the coup — you stop personalizing it.
You stop thinking,
What did I do wrong?
And start recognizing,
Oh, this is what people do when they feel threatened by someone who won’t play along.
You don’t have to become smaller to stay safe. You just have to stay eyes-wide-open. And because you see it coming, it won’t take you down the way it did before.
Want Help Spotting the Signs Sooner?
Inside the Un-Manipulatable 5-Day Training, I show you exactly how to recognize these patterns in real time — and what to do the moment they show up.
You’ll learn how to let silence speak louder than guilt.
How to set boundaries with zero drama.
And how to anchor back into yourself, even when you’re under pressure.
And if you want to go deeper, click here to learn — Say This — and They Lose Power Instantly. You’ll learn more tools for spotting manipulation and creating boundaries that actually work.
I’m glad you’re here. Let’s keep going.
—Meadow