A nice‑looking text can be bait. Narcissists test you with three scripts: the harmless check‑in, the “I’ll be near you” invite, the “Can we talk?” repair offer. Each one plays on loneliness, guilt, or hope. Don’t respond instantly. Wait 24 hours. If something inside you shifts—you might already be caught.
We’ve all gotten this text at one point or another. Maybe it was your ex, or your mother. Maybe it was someone who once had power over you. And it looks nice enough to lower your guard—caring even. Most of the time it is. It’s a green flag, a sign of closeness or peace.
But when it’s coming from a narcissist, it’s a tactic.
It’s a soft con, a quiet test—to see if you’re lonely enough, guilty enough, or hopeful enough to fall back in line. And if you answer, you’ve already taken the hook.
I’ve spent the last 20 years researching self‑worth and narcissistic relationships. As a coach, author, and survivor, I teach people how to recognize manipulation the moment it begins. In this video, I’ll break down the three types of texts narcissists use to reel you back in and show you how to spot them before you take the bait.
Text Type #1: The Check‑In
It usually starts simple. A text that sounds harmless, even nice:
“Hey stranger”
“Just thinking about you”
“How’ve you been?”
Here’s the key: Before you even read the text, when their name flashes on your phone, you’ll probably feel a pang of dread. Especially if you’ve been trying to off‑ramp the relationship without going full no‑contact.
Your body knows first. A tight throat. A fluttering chest. A sick drop in your stomach. That’s your fight‑or‑flight system warning you: something’s off.
If you respond, you’ve stepped back into their narrative.
If you don’t—well, the door stays closed.
When you get that kind of text, pay attention to the nostalgia it asks for. Healthy nostalgia accepts the full story. Manipulative nostalgia carries unwritten rules: “Don’t bring up what they did,” or “Pretend we were close.” That’s the hook. And you’ve already taken it when you respond.
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Text Type #2: The Test
This one looks casual:
“Hey, I’m going to be in your area next week.”
“Layover near your place tomorrow.”
“Thinking of getting away. You still up north?”
Sometimes it’s innocent—but other times it’s purposeful.
They’re not testing whether you care—they’re testing whether you’ll put their wants ahead of your well‑being.
If you’re tired or stretched thin? Healthy people can say “no thanks.” When it’s manipulation, “no” feels dangerous. Because the automatic thought becomes: What will keep the peace? not What do I want?
Your reaction tells the story. If you scramble or soften your boundaries, that move shows you didn’t really feel free to say no.
Text Type #3: The Bait‑And‑Switch
This one seems calm, kind, maybe even hopeful:
“I’ve been thinking about what happened.”
“I hate how things ended.”
“Can we clear the air?”
Your heart might leap. Maybe things could be different this time.
But pause for a second. To believe this message, you must shift from reality into fantasy: Maybe they’ve changed so I can stop hurting.
That’s the cue.
It’s not about rescue—this is a power play disguised as resolution.
You respond—and they pull back. Cold. Suddenly you’re chasing. They’re observing. Your hope becomes your humiliation.
The 24‑Hour Rule
When any of the above shows up: Do not respond for 24 hours.
During that time ask:
Do I have to pretend here?
How much emotional weight am I carrying?
Can I afford this?
Do I even want to?
If the message is healthy, it will still make sense tomorrow—and you’ll respond calmly.
If it’s a manipulator? It won’t wait. They’ll try again—tone shift, guilt‑trip, escalation.
You’ll know.
A “just checking in” text may look safe—but from a narcissist, it’s testing your boundaries, your hope, your guilt. Your body knows. Your mind might hesitate. Pay attention.
You don’t have to answer.
You don’t have to rescue.
You just have to protect your energy.
Want Help Spotting the Signs Sooner?
Inside the Un-Manipulatable 5-Day Training, I show you exactly how to recognize these patterns in real time — and what to do the moment they show up.
You’ll learn how to let silence speak louder than guilt.
How to set boundaries with zero drama.
And how to anchor back into yourself, even when you’re under pressure.
And if you want to go deeper, click here to learn — If They Say This… They’re a Covert Narcissist. You’ll learn more tools for spotting manipulation and creating boundaries that actually work.
I’m glad you’re here. Let’s keep going.
—Meadow