Boundaries, Personal Development, Self-Worth, Relationships, Communication & Response, Narcissistic Behavior
Meadow DeVor
5 Clues to Spot Gaslighting in Conversation

Narcissists use subtle gaslighting tactics that sound normal but leave you doubting yourself. From guilt trips to silent control, this blog breaks down 5 ways they manipulate conversations—and how to protect your truth. If you’ve ever felt worse after talking with them, this explains why.

Boundaries, Personal Development, Relationships
Meadow DeVor
3 Facial Clues That Expose a Narcissist

Today, I’ll show you 3 facial clues that narcissists can’t hide, explain why your instincts alert you to these signs, and, since Meghan Markle is a woman often labeled as narcissistic, we’ll examine whether these red flags appear on her face—or if they’re just a coincidence.

Boundaries, Relationships, Self-Worth
Meadow DeVor
When the Narcissist Lies to You... Do This

When you're dealing with a narcissist, spotting their lies and exposing the truth can save you from years of manipulation, stress, and emotional abuse. Learn 3 simple questions that expose their lies, what you need to say to always get the truth, and the one word that unravels their whole act.

Boundaries, Relationships, Self-Worth
Meadow DeVor
3 Signs an Avoidant is a Narcissist in Disguise

How do you know if someone has an avoidant attachment style, or if you’re actually dealing with a narcissist in disguise? Today, I’ll share simple ways to tell if an avoidant is actually a narcissist in disguise, real life examples of how to spot the difference, and simple strategies to empower you in any situation.

Boundaries, Relationships, Self-Worth
Meadow DeVor
5 Mind Games Narcissists Play

The mind games of a narcissist can be difficult to spot, and if you don't understand them, you could lose your job, your family, or the relationships you love most. Today, I'll share 5 mind games that narcissists play, real life examples of how to spot them, and simple strategies to empower you in any situation.

The Abundance Scale

The Abundance Scale

There have been very few moments in my lifetime that definitively and completely changed the trajectory of my life.  Of course, most moments in life have this capacity, but in general, when I look back over my life to date, my top life-altering moments can probably be counted on one hand.

One of the moments on this short list was the first time I was shown how my thinking created my feelings. 

Until then, I was stuck in a mind that believed its own stories. I didn’t know that I could question what my mind said. I didn’t even know that my mind said things that weren’t true. I had no concept of the bondage that I was experiencing by my own hand. 

In tandem to this, I really had no recognition of what an emotion really was. I only really knew if I felt bad or… not bad.  I knew what intense stress, worry or fear felt like. And I knew the absence of that. 

Words like happiness, peace, calm, joy, jealousy, regret, boredom, really only had a conceptual meaning to me. I knew, in my head, what they meant, but I had no idea what they felt like in my body.

Most of the time I either felt bad or numb. Or badly numb. Or numbingly bad. 

7 Beliefs That Enable The Discovery Of Truth

7 Beliefs That Enable The Discovery Of Truth

We all have a breaking point. A rock bottom. A last straw.  Some of us are smart enough to change course before we hit that point.

I am not one of those people.

I am stubborn. Self-righteous. Denial expert. Story-spinner-extraordinaire.

I would love to tell you that I was on the path of self-realization. That I was working on my own spiritual enlightenment – and came to these beautiful truths about money. I would love to tell you that my relationship with money changed due to my intelligence, my inner peace, and my amazing-ness.

But that would be a lie. The truth is, after years of mistreating my money, it finally walked out on me. It had had enough. And hit the road.

In other words. I was broke. For the first time in my life.

And not just a little broke. Broke and broken.

I had no other choice. I was either going to give up (never) or radically change my approach to money.

I knew that I needed to start with the truth. Figure out how and why I ended up where I was. And then, belief by belief, start building a new infrastructure for abundance.

The same is true for you. Our financial results depend on the thoughts that we believe. If we believe thoughts that avoid the truth, we will never create lasting abundance in our life. We will never be free from anxiety and worry.

10 Common Beliefs That Justify Avoiding The Truth

10 Common Beliefs That Justify Avoiding The Truth

We all know that we should pay attention to our finances. We should know what we spent our money on. We should know how much is in our bank. Or how much we need to save. Or how much we need to pay.

For years, I avoided my own financial truth. I postponed checking my accounts. Thoughts about logging into my online banking would produce a painful pit in my stomach. I just didn’t want to know. I wouldn’t open letters (over draft notices) from my bank. I knew what they were – and I’d just file them.  I wouldn’t open my investment statements. I’d let my credit card statements sit there until the due date, never looking at the finance charge I was paying, ignoring the list of transactions, only looking at the minimum payment amount. Crumpled up dollar bills would find their way through the laundry. I’d throw away important receipts. I’d misplace warranty information I had no idea how much cash I had (or didn’t have) in my wallet. 

Money And The Truth

Money And The Truth

To permanently change our relationship with money, we have to be willing to open our eyes. We need to know - in detail - where we stand financially. We need to take responsibility for our past and present behaviors. And, most importantly, we need to understand why we have created this financial reality in the first place. As you can probably imagine, unveiling these truths and digging through our money beliefs can be difficult, time consuming, scary, disappointing, and exhausting.

But the alternative is so much worse. Believe me. I know because I’ve done it.

Pretending that we know where we really stand. Keeping ourselves in the dark from the truth. Hiding from our own money. Trying to fudge the details, guessing, estimating, or fantasizing, only prolongs our dysfunctional relationship with money.

What We Really Want

What We Really Want

We say we want more money. We say we’d like to win the lottery. A better paying job, a bonus, or a raise. We say we’d like our stocks to go up, or our house to sell. More clients,  better investments or passive income.  We say we’d like a windfall, or a book deal.

I used to say things like that, too. I used to say that I wanted more money, more clients, a better house, better car, more vacations and more clothes. 

But now I know that this isn't what I really want. (Except for the clothes, of course... I still want those.)

What I really want is the freedom that I think the lottery would give me.
The security from the better job.
The pride from the bonus.
The confidence from the raise.
The safety of higher stocks.
The independence of selling the house.
The stability of more clients.
The ease of passive income.
The relaxation of the windfall.
The honor of a book deal.

Where Money Problems Start

Whether we want to earn more, or spend less, or get out of debt, or save more, or worry less. If we want to have a better relationship with money, there’s only one thing we need to do to create lasting change.

Change our mind.

It’s not more complicated than that. We don’t have to understand investments, banking, real estate, business, dividends, stocks, ROI’s, percentages, budgets, spreadsheets, or exchange rates. We only need to understand the way our mind works.

And, by the way… that’s a big ‘only.’

Money is a neutral thing. It can be proven to exist or not exist. It’s a fact.  It’s a number. It can be a number on paper. It can be a number on your computer screen. It can be a number on a receipt.  It can be a number on a dollar bill in your wallet.

,

Built For Days Like This

,
Built For Days Like This

It was still dark outside. Customers had lined up with their lawn chairs and sleeping bags. Some had been there all night. The store had not opened yet, but the excitement buzzed around us. We were in the storeroom, receiving last minute training, watching videos from around the world showing our fellow employees, people just like us, handling a day like today.

My brilliant manager looked each one of us in the eye - and said:

Our store was built for days like this.

She explained to us that our store wasn't built for the average Tuesday afternoon, where we had one very friendly customer who knew exactly what they needed and just handed over their credit card to make a simple purchase.

Our store was built for days like today. Lines out the doors. Frustrated customers. Excited customers. Disappointed customers. Equipment not working. Employees going too slow. Or too fast. This was the day that our store was built for. And this is the job we signed up for.

,

Life Saver

,
Life Saver

My boat has officially been rocked.

And not in a good way.

From two sides of my life, one from the West - one from the East. Two storms crashed right into the middle of my week. Into the center of my life.

I can't stop these storms. I can't make these storms behave the way I want them to behave. I can't stop them from shaking up my ocean. 

This is me. In the middle of it. No land in sight.

How do I want to I handle this? What am I making this mean? Who do I want to be in the midst of this?

Will I allow this to sink me?
Or do I have the courage to swim?

Ugh. I think I should have taken more swimming lessons. 

10 Things I've Learned By @#$%Ing Up

10 Things I've Learned By @#$%Ing Up

Ok, I have to admit.  Last week I did something really stupid.

I mean... extra stupid.

I'm not talking about a normal kind of stupid. It was an extra-special-only-someone-as-lame-as-me-could-do-something-as-stupid-as-this kind of stupid. It was a stare-at-the-sky-screaming-profanities kind of stupid.

It was a stupid sundae with dumb-sauce.

It was the kind of stupid that either you crawl into a little ball and hide from.

Or you sit down and put pen to paper and learn from.

And that's what I did. (Well, technically, I screamed profanities, rolled around on the floor, hid my head in shame, and tried to blame anyone - or anything - else I could. And then, put pen to paper.)

I coached myself through it. And I felt better.

Amazingly better.

Dare I say... ? I even felt a little smart.

I realized that the most important things I've ever learned have come from some of the stupidest mistakes, dumbest reasons, lamest decisions, and worst ideas I've ever had.

Here a short list of some of life lessons that I've learned from fucking up:

This Seems Hard... Because It Is.

This Seems Hard... Because It Is.

I have a love/hate relationship with my yoga teacher. She is so sweet and cute. She speaks fluent Zen. She practically floats from inner-peace.

Yesterday, in her serene "Rock-a-bye Baby" sing-song tone, she asked us to hold a lunge, for what seemed like 103 minutes, while twisting our bodies in the opposite direction that a human is meant to be bent, sweat dripping off our noses, balancing on the tip of our right big toe while 'smiling with our eyes.'

And right when I was about to give up, yell profanities at her, or try to start her on fire with my retinas, she said:

If this seems really hard... it's because it is. 

Immediately, I felt relief. I held the pose and relaxed into the fact that it was just hard. And it was supposed to be hard. I thought it was so interesting that I thought I couldn't hold the pose for one more second and that I was willing to walk away and give up.

Until I knew that it was supposed to be hard.

And with that knowledge, I was able to keep going.